4 Years Ago

Four years ago today it was so warm that a mom took her two young boys and brand new baby boy to the park to let them play. Sitting in the sun watching the toddlers play thinking it was good for the baby to warm up and soak up the sun rays. She had no idea that that would be the last day of her "normal" life or what she thought was normal. 

March 5th, 2010 is exactly two weeks from Gavyn's birth day and at 5 am that morning he woke me up with a cry I knew was not right and by 7 that morning he had a seizure, we called 911 and by 8 something that morning we were at Cardinal Glennon realizing we had a very, very sick little boy. Of course this is a very familiar story to most people we know and we all know that 4 years later he has beaten the odds. He has come through a serious infection, had three successful brain surgeries, learned to sit up, roll over, crawl, walk and run. He is a miracle. 

But every year this day, March 4th and tomorrow, March 5th find me a little sad. The dreams and hopes I had for my boys on March 4th, 2010 are vastly different than the dreams I have for them March 4th, 2014. I'm not sure if I've lowered my standard or raised it very high quite honestly. The one thing I hold in most importance has not changed, for my boys to learn about Jesus and realize that they need a Savior and to walk in His ways. 

To realize that while all people are created equally they don't all look or live the same and that is actually OK and beautiful. 

To have empathy for those who are not as strong as us in the way we see strength. I say that mostly for Skyler and Gideon who are very strong, smart capable boys who will grow to be strong men one day. And the world will see them as strong and intelligent and I want them to remember the amazing strength of their two middle brothers. Because living each day with a disability and not complaining but striving for more is brave and strong. They don't need to be forgotten or put to the side. They need other people with appreciation for their gifts to go along side of them and pull them to the forefront. 

It would be great if they went to college or trade school, got married and had children but people are more important. How ever they feel they can serve people best is how I want them to spend their lives. It isn't just about us in our little bubble.

Which brings me back to Gavyn. I feel deep down that that boy has a calling on his life. There is something that he is going to do that will make all this suffering worth it. It would be meaningless otherwise. He has a passion for life and a will to fight for it. He could have stayed quiet as a little baby and passed in his sleep maybe a few 24hrs later but, he didn't, he kind of made a ruckus and we were able to get him medication and help in time. He wants to be here because he has something to show us and something to say. I'm sad for the suffering of my kiddos but I'm excited to see what they will bring to the world.