Masks

August of 2013 a good friend of ours moved in with us for six months. She became a dear friend, she's like the sister I never had. We had so many great conversations when she lived here and have continued having those ever since. While she was here we got the idea to start an early morning bible study with a few friends. I have kept it going ever since, people have come and gone, but it has been really good. It's something I really look forward to. It is something I need for my own personal heart, not my mommy heart, not my wife heart, my heart. 

We have been reading this book, The Good And Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith. I heard about it at a leadership conference and thought we would give it a try. It has rocked our worlds. This week the chapter was about how God transforms us and the exercise was spending time in solitude. This part hit me hardest:

"Welcome to this place of solitude

Feel free to take off your masks"

Because there was no one around, I could be myself. There was no need to be clever or funny or smart. And after I came face to face with myself, I encountered God. And God - not the world, not my friends or family members - began to shape my identity.

It has made me realize how many masks I wear. Like, all. the. time. It has me wondering, do I ever let my masks down? I don't even think about. I have my Cardinal Glennon masks, my PSKids mask, church, the kids school, even with different close friends. I know why I do it too. I'm afraid if I show too many people the real me, all of me, all of my life, they will run. I'm just too much. There is way too much going on. All. The. Time. A couple years ago I would have run away from me. 

But, it is a challenge I feel I need to take on. To not always say we are fine. I don't need to show everyone every minute of every day of my real life. We all need privacy and safe places. It is convicting to be real, more real with the people who love me most though. Or even the people peeking in. Sometimes the people on the outside need to know it is ok to be vulnerable. Right? That's what I want to try and be and not to keep the mask up for self protection.