Mom guilt

This month has been hard. I feel stuck in a rut. I asked my mom if she ever felt this way when we were little. Her response was that it's called February. Ha! She was so right. The winter doesn't feel so bad when you have holidays and parties filling your time. School break and then getting back in the groove. But you suddenly hit February and it's all blah. Mostly still too cold to be outside much. Gray and bleak most days. Only a made up holiday to look forward to. Just more of the same every day. 

On top of the blah-ness of February I get depressed with the two middles birthdays. It's a great celebration and I love seeing how far they have come in a year. And yet, there is bitterness there too. Nevin's genetic diagnosis coming on his birthday. Gavyn being so sick after his birth. It's a rough time for me. I think it is hitting me harder this year since last year was so hard. 

I'm sorry for the joyless post, it is just how I am feeling lately. Stuck in a rut. You know? 

Wake up.

Drink the coffee.

Read, journal.

Breakfast.

Lunch packing.

Dress the children.

Feed the children.

Give the children their medicine and essential oils.

Send the children to school.

Get dressed.

Eat breakfast.

Have a child dropped off at my house.

Play.

Eat.

Read books.

Do a craft.

Lunch.

Play.

Nap.

Kids home from school.

Snack.

Screen time.

Homework.

Dinner.

Bath.

Play time.

Bed time.

Repeat.

I just keep thinking about the beach. Sunrises and sunsets. Sand in my toes. The soothing sound of the waves. Soaking up the sun. A nap on a beach towel. 

It's time for this mommy to get a mommy vacation!