What people don't understand

This post is going to be something I have not really done before. I started writing this post last Saturday and was extremely frustrated/mad and then in the middle of blogging my iPad died and lost more than half of my writing. That made me more mad but, now I'm glad. I have had time to think more about this issue and calm down from the initial frustration. Here goes...

Last Saturday I was early to my counseling session and decided to meander around Facebook. I opened it up on my phone and this imagine was starring me in the face.

The person who posted it is someone who I love dearly and I think I have a good relationship with. I was not the only person who commented on it and shared how offensive this is to every parent that has a special needs kid. The person who posted it apologized and took the photo down and in their defense I know this person did not mean to hurt anyone and I think it was a post that was not well thought out. That being said, this was a post that I felt needed to be addressed and that I could not just be silent on.

There are so many amazing things about the world we live in now compared to 10, 20 and good lord, 50 years ago, for parents and the kids with special needs. We used to hide these kids away, put them in institutions and there was no real help for them. I am so thankful for the world my kids live in and that they can go to school with their peers, get therapy to help them, have the world include them. It is awesome for them and for our family. I don't need to be ashamed of them and keep them hidden in my home. And yet, with all the advancements in the education system, the health care industry, people learning to be inclusive we still battle things like this graphic posted on Facebook. Every parent of special needs kids knows this and we all know that it is a battle and I am not exaggerating when I use that language. We battle bullies in the classroom, both peers and teachers, we battle with family who don't agree with our methods, we battle insurance agencies and hospitals and then we battle people who believe things like this picture.

Behavioral Disorders are not something to laugh at and not something that anyone should pretend is a label any parent would use instead of calling their child spoiled. I have sat with multiple friends who's kiddos have behavioral disorders and heard the stories of family or friends who tell them that they caused these problems for the kids. That is ridiculous and heart breaking. People do not cause children to have Autism, Childhood Schizophrenia, Bipolar or any other mental illness. No one caused that. These parents are loving, caring parents who are taking the time, money and resources they can to better their childs life with more therapy, better education and a list of specialists out the wazoo. When their child is at Target and has trouble processing the world and everything going on around them and they melt down in a "temper tantrum" and mom and dad need to try and be calm as they take them out of the store, they do not want everyone watching them and judging them and saying, "In my day we called your kid a brat." These children are not brats. My kids are not brats. My friends kids are not brats. They are children made in the image of God and they happen to process the world differently than you and I. If that is a problem for you than that is just what it is. A problem for you. There are many things in the world that are different outside of our own little circle and they are things that might make us uncomfortable unless we educate ourselves on them. There is a real problem with how mental health is addressed and taken care of in our country and these kinds of posts don't help that at all. I don't think the outside world understands how hard it is in the Special Needs community to label your kids. It is easy for the outside world to throw a label on our kids or tell us we shouldn't use a label we use because "your kids aren't that messed up." (Yes, people have said that to me and I drop kick them, in my mind) It is very hard to say, "I have two special needs kids." The first few times I said that I died a little on the inside. I am not used to saying that Nevin has a genetic disorder either. It is painful. People think it is easy for us to say, "My child has a Behavioral Disorder." as if its a band-aid for their ill behavior, or our lack of parenting or whatever. That is a painful thing to say. You don't well up with pride when you are forced to say these things to people. It is personal, it is painful, it is all of your dreams first hoped for crushed in one tiny phrase. It is not an excuse and people should not think it is.

So, if you do or don't have an awesome family with special needs in your life but you hear someone say something ridiculous like this, please, correct them. Maybe they don't know, maybe they are ignorant of things around them. Maybe they do know and are just a bully. Either way, it doesn't matter and it is not an excuse for bad behavior. There are people who simply don't think before they speak. There are also a lot of people in the world who still need to learn how to be human and it takes a village to teach them.