Life & Death

When Gavyn was in the hospital we did not have a lot of visitors and most who did come were repeat visitors. Some of the family was unable to come because of him being in the ICU and the restrictions there are. I think friends were not sure if they should come or not. There was communication through Facebook and texting since I could not take calls while in his room and I did not want to leave most of the time. Even though I was surrounded by people in the PICU and had family ready to drop anything and come up, it was one of the loneliest times in my life.

Half of the time he was in the hospital I was staying with him full time. Usually my dad would come up in the morning and see us for a little while then leave mid-morning. Ryan would come up by 6pm to have dinner with me and stay until I would go to sleep around 10-11. During the middle of Gav's stay I was staying at my mom's house. I would wake up around 7, get myself and the boys ready, leave to go around 9, not see anyone sometimes until Ryan would come. If it was a bad day my dad would stay or mom but Ryan had to keep working. There are no vacation days, sick days or leave of absence when you work for yourself. I still do not know how he made it through. Two of our Pastors came by, my parents pastor, who I am close to (he married Ryan and I) came by frequently. A couple girl friends stopped by, brothers... It was lonely though. It was a time to suffer alone and grow.

There is one visit and visitor that I remember very vividly. It was unexpected in many ways. It was Ryan's cousin Chris. He was the only extended family member who was able to come. I was sitting in the rocker next to Gav's bed, I was journaling if I remember right. I heard a familiar voice behind me and when I looked over it almost took me a second to realize that it was Chris. It caught me off guard and when it registered with me I was just so glad to see him. I gave him a big hug. I could tell immediately how hard it was for him to see Gavyn. None of Ryan's family had even gotten to meet Gavyn before going into the hospital.

Chris is Ryan's cousin, he was the cousin Ryan had talked about when we were dating before I meet anyone. He was married to Mandi and when I joined the family their son Isaac was 6 months, he will be 7 in a few months. The first time I met the family was on Easter and Chris and Mandi were the 2 who really made me feel welcome. Chris is one of those guys that just wants to make everyone laugh and he loves to tease people. He made me feel like his little sister because his teasing is so much like my brothers. Mandi was easy to talk to, had a great smile and laugh and just wants you to feel comfortable. It was their ease in welcoming me that made me really feel part of the family.

We talked about Gavyn and what had happened. What all he was hooked up to. The plan of getting him better and what could be expected. Chris was emotional and it was hard for him to keep it together. It is hard enough to see the kids in the PICU, it is harder still to be attached to one of them and see it and I can not imagine how it felt for Chris to meet his 2nd cousin for the first time under these circumstances. He told me that it was killing Mandi to not be able to come see him. There was a reason though, she was just now 6 weeks pregnant! It was the worst setting to hear some of the best news for our family. They had been trying for years to have baby #2 and had been through many trials along the way. I was so excited! It could not happen at a better time it seemed. To be reminded that there was life outside the 4 walls we were prisoned in now. Even then I knew, they would be blessed with a healthy pregnancy and that Mandi would be the one to carry the baby girl the family had been anxiously awaiting for so many years. Baby Addy will arrive in November and we could not be happier.

There will be 3 new babies for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Three wonderful babies that are precious gifts all in their own way. A much awaited Baby Girl for Chris and Mandi. The first baby for Andrew and Patty. And mostly for me, Baby Gavyn, the one who almost did not make it.