Just some Thoughts

This week was the end of an era around here I guess. When Gavyn was in the hospital I was pumping milk for him but slowly drying up with all of the stress. I kept at it the entire time he was there though. I even nursed him a few times but the more bottles he got during his stay the less and less he wanted to nurse. When I talked to the lactation consultant before bringing him home she was going over everything I needed to do to get my supply up. I just broke down crying because I knew going home to normal life and trying to take care of 2 big boys and a baby with extra needs it was not going to happen. How could I sit on the couch for over an hour pumping, nursing, giving bottles and ignore my two boys I had not seen for 3 weeks? I decided to go home and pump as much as I possibly could but not force the nursing. Gavyn was happy with the bottle and I was OK giving it to him. I continued to pump until he was 6 weeks. It was right around the time he went back in for his shunt that I quit. The pressure was too much and I need get ride of as much stress as I could. I did however put 3 small bottles in the freezer and decided I would hold on to them just in case. Gavyn has been just on formula for about the last 2 months I would say and this week he got his first cold. I will admit part of me felt the guilt creep in, maybe if he was a breastfed baby he wouldn't have gotten sick yet. My other two boys never got colds until they were a year. Thursday I pulled those little bottles out and gave him the last of the liquid gold. I knew it would be easier on his tummy and maybe give him a little boost. I guess it helped because he is much better today.