Dear Gavyn,

I have journaled all of my prayers for years. It helps me to stay focused and think about everything I want to talk to God about. The last prayer I journaled before you went into the hospital went like this,

"Father, thank you for another day and for Spring coming. There is always more hope and possibility in the air. Thank you for our families and friends who have been so helpful during this time. You have really blessed us!
Continue to bring work in for Ryan.
Thank you for our health and safety, please keep us that way today. Help me to adjust to 3 kiddos and to keep making it through.
Amen."

Little did I know that the next morning would be the morning from hell. That your health would be taken away for a time. Your health was taken but not your spirit and your will to live.

We had a terrible time picking a name for you. For some reason every name Mommy liked Daddy was not too keen on and the other way around. One day Mommy saw Gavyn and really liked it but we couldn't pick a middle name to go with it for awhile. Finally one night at Barnes and Noble, Daddy saw Elliot and we loved the two together. Little did I know that your name would fit you perfect and be amazing.

Gavyn: White hawk of battle. Gavyn is a form of Gawain. Gawain was one of King Arthur's knights of the Round Table.
Elliot: My God is the Lord

I had forgotten about the knights of the round table and during your stay I always called you my little knight. I would tell you how you were a fighter on your white horse going into battle and that you were going to win the battle. I am sure you can imagine your Momma crying when I looked back at the meaning of your name and was reminded of that.

You have the strongest spirit of anyone I know. Every day you would fight and grow and fight again. I see your go-get-'em personality every day. You are so strong and sweet. Going back and reading my journal from the time you were in the hospital is so hard. It is so painful to remember everything you have already been through and you are only 16 weeks old. In 16 weeks you have already lived a lifetime. Been through more than most people go through their entire lives. And you were victorious. You never gave up, you fought. You taught your family important lessons.

"It is so amazing to watch you improve and never give up. You are such an inspiration to Mommy and I will never be the same. You have really shown us all what is important. It is amazing to watch someone so small that you think is so fragile go through so much and fight and fight. You do not give up easy! You are so silly though - you like to trick people into thinking you are way more ready for things and at the last minute change your mind. Mommy knew when she was pregnant that this is how you were going to be. You like to fool people and keep them on their toes. I think life will be a wild ride with you." - Mom's Journal, 3/17

Mommy loves you my sweet White Knight. Kisses and hugs.