Outings

Getting out of the house since Gideon was born has been a little more hectic and just harder in general. In the beginning it didn't help that he was born June 13 of 2012 and it happened to be one of the hottest Summers on record here in the Lou. If you weren't going to the pool or going out after sunset it wasn't much fun. Thankfully he really enjoyed the pool and we were able to go a lot. But overall family outings have taken a back seat and me going places with the kids alone has all but stopped. My mom is awesome and helps with therapy Wednesdays and other appointments that come up so I don't have to fly solo. I can manage three alone (doesn't matter which 3) pretty easy but you add that fourth and it gets sticky. Lately, I am having more anxiety about going places. Ok, anxiety might not be the right word, that is probably a little strong, I'm just having more feelings of... well... wondering if people are judging us when we go out. Like today for example...

I already mentioned that we are trying to have more family time this year. Today was our first Saturday that Ryan was not going to work, I was not going to work and we didn't have to go somewhere in, well, forever. I was stoked when I went to bed last night and realized we could wake up and just do whatever! The only commitment we had was church in the evening. I love Saturday night church and hate when we have to miss. This morning we got up, watched some TV, ate some breakfast and started to get dressed. I threw out the idea of going to a park and doing lunch after, everyone was game and off we went.

When the kids were younger it was not so obvious that they were different. You could shrug off the questions about Nevin's speech and Gavyn's physical development. Partially because they are both so small for their age that people still think them close to two years younger than they actually are. But going to the park today was hard. When we arrived there was no one else there which surprised me on this abnormally warm day in January. I was partially relieved that I didn't feel there would be questioning eyes watching us but also sad that Skyler would not have new friends to make. After about 20 minutes of playing more parents and kiddos began to arrive. My first fear is always for Nevin. Nevin is super social and outgoing, nothing scares that kid and he really wants to make friends but when you can't speak clearly that posses a problem, an obstacle. Kids are usually game to play with each other in those types of settings and not be too shy but, I always watch when Nevin goes up and tries to talk or engage. It stops people, they try to process if he is being goofy or if that is his real voice. It hurts. You want your kids to be excepted and immediately he is usually turned down. If it is older kids and Skyler is there he is quick to stand up for his brother and include him and I am very grateful for that. Also, Nevin doesn't seem to notice or mind quite yet, I know that will change soon. My second fear is Gav and his fit throwing. He gets overwhelmed/scared of anything new - people, places and things. At first today he was totally fine with dad but quickly he was not. Ryan changed locations on the playground and he lost it. It seemed he was very fearful of the fact we were not all in close proximity to each other. Eventually I put Gid in the stroller, Gav on a park bench and sat with them as Gav literally screamed his head off. If I spoke to him he yelled at me for daddy and would start to hit me. If I ignored him he cried for dad. We lasted another 15 minutes like that and then it was time to go.  He cried all the way to the car but settled down once everyone was buckled in. We drove back to the Steak n Shake closest to our house for lunch (about 20 mins) to give him time to settle. Then at the restaurant he was totally fine.

And that is why we don't go out a lot and for sure don't do playdates anymore.